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WWE Raw results, summary, reactions (April 22, 2019): Firefly Fun House

Do you have a Viking experience? I bet they'll rap yaaaaaa … … Ahem. Sorry. Hit or miss is how I feel about Raw right now. There are some acts and moments that completely hit me. Something that Usos does is amazing, for example. I love what Lacey Evans does to act as a foil for Becky Lynch, and you can just go ahead and inject everything Sami Zayn does in my veins, thank you. The matches, as always with this talent scale, are also fun. And I would start this review with a huge, colossal miss … until I saw something that broke through the general sardonic attitude I have when I look at Raw, something that made me giggle with joy at the end. Bray Wyatt … you crazy genius, you. I am a sucker for true senses. When WWE says any wrestler or another player's mind, that's one thing. But when Wyatt makes a fucking Mr Rogers impression and carries a chainsaw, he cutters through a cardboard expression of himself? DING DING THING WE HAVE BACK THE JACKET. Oh my god. I can't even, yes. Oh my God. I'm still laughing in joy over this segment. It's such a catastrophic shift from what Bray did earlier, and yet it will clearly become an element of worrying … Bray-ness about it all. He has two gloves that say "HURT" and "HEAL", for example. He's talking about a buzzard doll and a gothic witch doll as if they're not…

Do you have a Viking experience? I bet they’ll rap yaaaaaa …

… Ahem. Sorry.

Hit or miss is how I feel about Raw right now. There are some acts and moments that completely hit me. Something that Usos does is amazing, for example. I love what Lacey Evans does to act as a foil for Becky Lynch, and you can just go ahead and inject everything Sami Zayn does in my veins, thank you. The matches, as always with this talent scale, are also fun.

And I would start this review with a huge, colossal miss … until I saw something that broke through the general sardonic attitude I have when I look at Raw, something that made me giggle with joy at the end.

Bray Wyatt … you crazy genius, you.

I am a sucker for true senses. When WWE says any wrestler or another player’s mind, that’s one thing. But when Wyatt makes a fucking Mr Rogers impression and carries a chainsaw, he cutters through a cardboard expression of himself?

DING DING THING WE HAVE BACK THE JACKET.

Oh my god. I can’t even, yes. Oh my God. I’m still laughing in joy over this segment. It’s such a catastrophic shift from what Bray did earlier, and yet it will clearly become an element of worrying … Bray-ness about it all. He has two gloves that say “HURT” and “HEAL”, for example. He’s talking about a buzzard doll and a gothic witch doll as if they’re not … you know. Scary .

The key here will be the details, as it always needed to be with Bray, and I really hope they get it right ahead. Bray has always been a personal favorite for me, and I still can’t contain my excitement for the potential here &#821

1; especially on a version of Raw that lacks stars on top of the card.

YOWIE WOWIE! Let the Firefly Fun House begin!


Sami Zayn is a global treasure

You know how social media sometimes sucks? If you’ve ever spent some time online – and I have a slight suspicion that you all often meet the good interwebs from time to time – then I’m sure you’ve had a bad round with social media somewhere there. Sami Zayn right now? He is all the bad parts of social media.

“Hello guys! Look at how happy I am! I’m SUPER happy, you! Look at my nice trip to Switzerland! Look at my nice trip to Norway! Look at my nice trip to Mexico!” the free life is better than your treatment was not enough, he is also the toxic part of social media. The “well, actually” side of social media. “I never even asked for your opinion and still give you that” side of social media. It is fantastic. I love the guy, and yet he comes to my nerves. I squeal on his senses, and yet he grunts on his traitors.

The best thing is that everything is a lecture with him, the man. And yet … he never gives reasons. How are we wrong, Sami? Sami says he holds us accountable. Cool. What does that mean ?! He is not trying to solve anything, he is just like, “Have! Thought it out! It’s your fault, suckers!” not me, I’m afraid Bray Wyatt.


The last miss, I guess

Yes, I hated this opening segment. It had me wanting to change channels until my thoughts reminded me that I get paid for these things.

It began with the commentary talk that told the show for the show: two threefold threats that lead to a single match; The winner gets Seth Rollins into the bank.

Cool! Very brief! Let’s jump into it!

… No. Not really. Instead, Triple H got a full entrance, Seth Rollins got a full entrance, and then they went through the whole “look at us now after WrestleMania geez this is wild!” As every single wrestler has done for two weeks now. 19659022] And then the two announced which comment had already told us, viewers at home. AND THERE, all six contenders came out to deliver uninspiring promos that were followed by another uninspiring one from Rollins, who was THEN followed up with the insight that Triple H.’s entrance was LITERALLY for nothing at all.

Do you have all that? Cool. I’m already emotionally checked out. And it sucks that in terms of wrestling, both triple-shot matches were pretty good! In the first, Styles Mysterio struck with a Style Clash on Samoa Joe – a phenomenal finish. In the second, Miz tried his best to endure Corbin and McIntyre until he came to a Claymore and Cobin who made a profit attempt. Another great finish!

It’s just … it’s okay, man. It’s the bad things you inevitably get when you look at Raw. Anyway, AJ Style faces Rollins at Money in the bank. It will rock.


Remnants

Naomi final Billie Kay – The match was shorter than the IIconics promo, and it really makes it more fun. Not even angry.

Cesaro def. Cedric Alexander – If you needed a sign of how unprepared WWE is / was with the entire Shakeup deal, WWE Cesaros entrance shot as if he were in The Bar. Uh … he is not. Fix it.

With that said, fun doesn’t match real action. I wish something had happened here to make this match different than showing Cedric in a loss.

Usos Sleepin ‘on Revival – That’s the right answer, Jimmy and Jey. The drinking and the driveline. Wooooooooo …

Viking Raiders def. Lucha House Party – Now called their finisher Viking Experience. Ryder called them “hairy and horny” backstage which is a better team name to be honest.

Becky Lynch def. Alicia Fox – I dug this segment between Lynch and Evans. I also liked how Lynch leaned a little in Evan’s shady brag about “currying favor” last week. The first woman’s right was weird, but in all this was good.

Robert Roode def. Ricochet – “Here’s a video explaining Robert’s new name and mustache.”

* WWE shows videos that do not do any of these things. * … ¯ _ (ツ) _ / ¯


This was a solid C-show with a few short girls of A + sprinkled in. Just give me a healthy dose of Bray Wyatt, Sami Zayn and Lacey Evan’s thanks. My God, what meaning.

Rating: C +

Your turn, Cageside. The comment section is a safe place. All you have to do is drop me in.

YOWIE WOWIE!

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Faela