I'm going to start things off this week with a moment of silence for Nathan Peterman, who has finally been…
I’m going to start things off this week with a moment of silence for Nathan Peterman, who has finally been cut by the Buffalo Bills in a move that I think most people assumed was never going to happen.
Like any cut in the NFL, there are definitely some winners and losers here.
The biggest winner here is probably the guy who started the GoFundMe last week asking Peterman to retire. The second biggest winner here is probably Peterman, because he gets to leave town with roughly $ 1 million in career earnings PLUS the $ 359 that the GoFundMe guy raised. Den tredje største vinderen her er nok Bills, hovedsagelig fordi Peterson ikke vil spille quarterback for dem anymore.
The biggest loser in this situation is me, because it means my dream of having every single one of Peterman’s games flexed to primetime is no longer possible. All i wanted was for every football fan in America to enjoy Peterman’s interceptions together, but the Bills had to go and ruin that.
Since I can not watch Peterman in primetime every Sunday, I guess I’ll go to Plan B, which is watching the commercial below on a run for 23 hours a day. The Cleveland-based commercial stars Browns punter Britton Colquitt, a talking dog and a little boy who apparently pays his own electric bill, which I think are all actually things you can find in Cleveland.
I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I’m creating a GoFundMe right now and hopefully we’ll have enough money raised by February to get this commercial played at the Super Bowl. The game’s on CBS this year, so maybe I can get an ad discount. I mean, probably not, but you have to shoot your shot when you can, kind of like Jared Goff did over the weekend.
The Rams have some of the craziest audibles in the NFL and on Sunday, Goff yelled out Halle Berry’s name during one of the plays, which I’m only telling you about now, because BERRY NOTICED IT.
The first rule of Twitter basically says that if a beautiful actress tweets at you, you have to immediately tweet her back and Goff clearly knows the rules of Twitter because he responded.
Halle Berry is his FAVORITE PLAY EVER!
Earlier this year, Goff said he was also going to try and use Taylor Swift’s name as an audible. Basically, I think he’s trying to turn the Rams audible system into a crazy game of Tinder celebrity. I mean, the guy did not have a girlfriend as recently as August, and what better way to get celebrities to notice you than to yell their names out on national television.
Alright, enough talking about Goff’s foolproof celebrity measuring-up system, let’s get to the picks.
Actually, before we get to the picks, here’s your weekly reminder to check out all the picks from every NFL writer here at CBSSports.com.
Which teams should you be back in Week 1
1 of the NFL season ? And which Super Bowl contender gets a huge scare? Visit SportsLine now to see which teams are winning more than 50 percent of simulations, all from the model that has outperformed 98 percent of experts tracked by NFLPickWatch.com the past two seasons.
The reason you should click over and check out the other experts this week is because Jamey Eisenberg took the oddsmakers in Vegas to the cleaners. Not the actual cleaners, because that would be weird, but the proverbial cleaners. With his Week 10 picks against the spread, Eisenberg went 10-3-1.
Eisenberg’s picks against the spread this year are so good that he’s actually the top-ranked media picker in the country with a record of 82-61-5, according to our friends at Pickwatch. Basically, if we were all making NFL bets using Jamey’s picks, we’d be up a lot of money and we would be able to afford to put Britton Colquitt’s commercial on at the Super Bowl.
Alright, let’s get to the Week 11 picks.
Thursday, 8:20 p.m. ET (NFL Network, Fox, Stream on FuboTV)
Apparently, one of my main talents in life is picking Seahawks games, and I know this because we’re heading into Week 11 and I still have a perfect record when picking any game that involves them. I’m on a nine-game streak and though I do not want to say I’m putting other streaks to shame yet – cough, Joe DiMaggio – I think we’re inching towards that territory. The thing I’ve learned about Seattle is that if you drink enough Starbucks and watch enough Gray’s Anatomy, you’ll eventually learn everything you need to know about the city, which will help you pick games. At least that’s what I tell myself.
Although I have not done well to pick the Packers this season, I’ve noticed a couple of important things about them over the past few weeks that will probably not help them in Seattle : De kan ikke vinne på veien, og de kan ikke stoppe løpene. That second one is going to be a problem because the Seahawks have the top rushing offense in the NFL while the Packers have given up 140.6 yards per game on the ground since Week 6, which is the fifth worst in the NFL over that team.
Green Bay’s 0-4 road record is also a problem, because the Packers have to play a Seahawk team that almost never loses at home in primetime, and if I’ve learned one thing about picking Seahawk’s games it’s that you never pick against them at home in primetime (They’re 14-2 since hiring Pete Carroll).
By the way, when I said that picking Seahawk’s games was one of my talents, I would like you to know that I do have some other ones. Jenga, hypnotizing babies and being able to name every hallmark Christmas movie that’s ever been made are a few of the other things I’m good at. That being said, picking Seahawk’s games is definitely the talent I’m most proud of. I will have nothing to be proud of if I get his pick wrong, so let’s hope I do not blow it.
The pick: Seahawks 26-23 over Packers
1 p.m. ET (CBS)
If you like drama, and who does not, then this should be your favorite game of Week 11. This game has so many subplots, it’s basically a football version of Love Actually . Between these two teams, we have a coach who could potentially be let go at the end of the season, a possible quarterback controversy and one team even just fired their defensive coordinator.
For the Ravens, I have no idea who’s going to start at quarterback in this game and that’s mainly because Joe Flacco has been dealing with a hip injury. To be honest though, I’m not sure the hip injury actually means anything, because I’m 40 percent sure that if he was not dealing with a hip injury, the Ravens would still be thinking about benching him in favor of Lamar Jackson. Basically, the Bengals are either going to be facing a banged up Flacco or a quarterback who will be making his first career start (Jackson), which means this game pick should be easy, except that the Bengals have literally possibly the worst defense in NFL History.
If you are Potentially the worst at anything in NFL history, it makes it hard to pick your team to win.
Also, the Bengals are dealing with their own drama. For one, theyon Monday. After making that move, they somehow decided that the best way to fix their problems was to hire Hue Jackson. And yes, that’s the same Hue Jackson who just got fired for going 3-36-1 over the past two and a half years with the Browns. If the Bengals plan was to hire Jackson, have him draw up a game plan and then do the opposite of that game plan, then this move makes sense. Ellers virker det som en katastrofe, der venter på at ske.
The last time Hue was in Cincinnati, he was the offensive coordinator (2014-15), which could make things awkward for the current offensive coordinator (Bill Lazor), especially if the Bengals struggle at all on offense over the next few weeks. Hue will probably make some suggestions and then take zero responsibility if they go wrong (If we learned one thing about Jackson during his “I just got fired” media tour, it’s that he will throw anyone under the bus for anything).
The good news for the Bengals is that I do not think anyone is going to be thrown under any busses this week, because Cincinnati is going to win.
The pick: Bengals 23-20 over Ravens
8:20 p.m. ET (NBC, stream on fuboTV)
I have no idea who’s in charge of flexing games in the NFL, but they must hate the Bears, because that’s the only way to explain the fact that this game got moved to prime time. Selv om de fleste hold elsker det ide om at være flyttet til søndagskvelden, er jeg gætter på at Bears hater det, og det er hovedsagelig fordi de skal dreje rundt og spille det tidlige spil på Thanksgiving.
Of course, maybe this was just the NFL’s way of leveling the playing field in the NFC North because the Bears have been UNSTOPPABLE THIS YEAR. Well, mostly unstoppable. Selv om de er 6-3, jeg er ganske sikker på at de burde nok være 8-1. Two of their three losses were absolutely crazy: They lost during that wild Aaron Rodgers comeback in Week 1 and then they lost in overtime to their arch-nemesis Brock Osweiler, who has a 3-0 career record against them.
Basically, I think what I’m trying to say here is that the Bears might be the third best team in the NFC (behind the Rams and Saints). When the season started, I was not very high on the Bears for two reasons: 1. Because they are the Bears and 2. Because I was not sold on Mitchell Trubisky. Problem number one solved itself when the Bears traded for Khalil Mack and problem number two has slowly been solving itself over the last 10 weeks with Trubisky looking better and better every week.
The Bears are now who I thought they were.
That clip will never get old.
This game will mark the first time in six years that the Bears have hosted a Sunday night game at home and if I have one rule about picking Sunday Night Games, it’s that you never pick a home team when they’re hosting The pick: Bears 30-20 over Vikings
Monday, 8:15 p.m. ET (ESPN)
Apparently, someone forgot to tell the people of Mexico City that they were supposed to host an NFL game this week because I do not think anyone has been taking care of the field at Azteca Stadium. I mean, I could be wrong, but I’m not sure how else to explain the field conditions shown in the picture below that was taken at some point in the past week.
The field looks like it just hosted a 48- hour rave where everyone got free tequila, but instead of drinking it, they poured it on the ground and set it on fire so the field would look completely charred. Now, I’m pretty sure that’s not actually what happened, but I’m not going to rule it out.
Besides the horrid condition of the field, one other thing that could have come into play in this game was the elevation. Mexico City sits almost 7,400 feet above sea level, which is actually kind of ironic, because 7,400 might end up being how many points we see scored in this game. The Chiefs are the second highest scoring team in the NFL with a average of 35.3 points per game and the Rams are not much worse, ranking third overall with 33.5 points per game.
As a matter of fact, these teams score so often that the NFL should not use a clock in this game and just give the win to the first team that scores 50 points. That would be way more exciting, and to justify the decision, the NFL could just make that the all-time rule for every game in Mexico. These two teams are pretty much matched, but I’m going to give the Chiefs the slight edge because the Rams offense is going to have to play without Cooper Kupp, who tore his ACL in Week 10.
I have a perfect record picking Rams games this year and I’m going to put it on the line by picking the Chiefs. Please do not let me down Kansas City.
The Pick: Chiefs 40-37 About Rams
UPDATE: The NFL has decided to bail on Mexico City and MOVE THE GAME to Los Angeles. Men jeg kommer IKKE å bail on my pick. I’m sticking with the Chiefs.
Falcons 24-20 About Cowboys
Panthers 27-17 About Lions
Colts 27-24 About Titans
Buccaneers 30-27 About Giants
Texans 22-19 About Redskins
Steelers 30-23 About Jaguars
Cardinals 19-16 About Raiders
Chargers 31-20 About Broncos
Saints 34-24 About Eagles
BYES: Bills, Browns, Dolphins, Patriots, Jets, 49ers
Best pick: Last week, Iwould win by double digits in Cincinnati and then The Saints went out and won by double digits in Cincinnati. I watched all four quarters of this game and I can unequivocally say that this was the second biggest beatdown of November, ranking only behind the beating. Alec Baldwin gave that guy who tried to take his parking spot in New York. Oh, and it also ranks behind the beatdown that Sean Payton at Paul Brown Stadium before the game on Sunday.
That fire alarm never stood a chance. Normally, I would say that violence never solves anything, but it might actually solve everything because I bet Baldwin will not have any problems getting a parking spot in New York anymore and Payton destroying a fire alarm somehow inspired his team to score 51 points. Maybe Marvin Lewis needs to start destroying some fire alarms.
Worst pick: I’ve made some bad choices in my life (most of those happened after midnight while I was in college), but I have to say, picking the Lions to beat the Bears last week might have been the worst one of all. Going into Week 10, the Lions were on a two-game losing streak, had just given up TEN SACKS in one game and for some reason, I thought they were going to somehow magically fix all their problems and win a road game in Chicago . I was the only writer at CBS Sports who picked the Lions to win this game, and judging by reaction on Twitter, I might have also been the only person on the entire internet to take the Lions.
That insult is harsh, but fair.
Also, Nathaniel had a friendly request.
He’d like to apologize to everyone for picking the Lions. To be honest Nathaniel, if anyone needs to do any apologizing this week, it’s the uprights at Soldier Field and they need to apologize to Cody Parkey.
If anyone did not see what happened, Parkey missed four kicks against the Lions and they all missed after bouncing off an upright. Det var så usannsynligt at jeg føler som Jared Goff og Halle Berry har en bedre chance for at blive gift enn vi gjør for å se en kicker treffe en opprør fire ganger i en kamp igjen.
The weird part here is that I think the uprights in Chicago now lead the NFL in blocked field goals.
Finally, if you guys have ever wondered which teams I’m actually good at picking, this is the part where I tell you, but you already know since I’ve mentioned it nonstop this week. Through 10 weeks, I’m still perfect picking two teams: The Rams (10-0) and the Seahawks (9-0). Also, I’m 8-1 picking the Chargers.
On a related note, you should basically just ignore my Eagles picks. I’m 2-7 picking them this season, which means they’re probably going to beat the Saints at 10.
Straight up in Week 10: 8-6
SU overall : 96-50-2
Against the spread in Week 10: 6-7-1
ATS overall: 70-73-5
Exact score predictions: ] 2
You can find John Breech on Facebook or Twitter and if he’s not doing one of those things, he’s probably trying to raise money for his Britton Colquitt GoFundMe campaign.