A bifur super burrito at El Gran Taco Loco in San Francisco on June 13, 2017. Photo: Nicole Boliaux, The…
A bifur super burrito at El Gran Taco Loco in San Francisco on June 13, 2017. Photo: Nicole Boliaux, The Chronicle
A recent photo appeared on the Canadian pop star Justin Bieber (or someone who looks very like him) eats a burrito. Sideways.
It seems that there is no wrong way to eat a food that is relaxed by design. So far, there has been a basic understanding of how to use one of these foil-wrapped intestines: hold it upright, use both hands and take the burrito to your face (as opposed to burying your face in burrito as shown below). Like all meaningful moments of intimacy, you have to work your way into it slowly by tearing off the foil in stock as you work down. And never, ever order lettuce.
Because Bieber is such a big influence on youth, we consider it necessary to get someone Clarity about this problem immediately. I heard the Chronicle Food Editor Paolo Lucchesi and pop culture critic / burrito expert Peter Hartlaub for some basic labels:
Q: Why do you think Justin Bieber is eating his burrito sideways?
] Lucchesi: This is clearly the first burrito he has ever had.
Hartlaub: I’ve thought of this a lot since I saw the photo. My best guess is that he is method-playing, playing some kind of person or creature from the animal kingdom that has no opposite thumbs. I will not be surprised to know that he is expressing an otter or a bear in a future Disney movie.
Lucchesi: Peter makes a good score, but they spread their fingertips and the rooting actions make me think raccoon.
Question: Is it ever acceptable to remove the foil from your burrito at once?
Lucchesi: I’m generally not one for food rules, which I believe everyone is entitled to enjoy the universal pleasure that is food in ways that bring joy to an individual. But it is unacceptable to remove all foil from a burrito at once. From a purely architectural point of view, burrito can not keep up with its support system. In fact, this error in the judgment may be the reason for this mid-range burrito disorder.
Hartlaub: I could see a situation where you theoretically need to perform some form of acute burrito surgery. As if you find out that someone is bald in your burrito and you have to remove it. Or if your burrito manufacturer says, “I’ve lost my wedding ring, can you check your burrito?” But in that case, you should replace the foil immediately. So really no.
The Correct Way: Peter Hartlaub has a bite of a burrito, Monday, April 30, 2018, in San Francisco, California.